Hello.

Starting next I will be on Maternity leave. Baby is ready to pop out anytime.
I just wanted to thank all of you ... for making 9 months fly by ...
If it hadn't been for you ... I think I would have lost heart and faith ...
being able to talk to you and laugh with you .. makes everything more bearable ...
and every single thing I went thru worth it.

I'll be back by the end of March ... and hope to see you then ...

Love and light .. a beautiful healthy baby to come.

master Lee

p.s. for my smokin' buddies ... see you soon. =)
I will soon be reunited with old friends ... Marlboro and Miguel ...

wish me luck guys...

the problem with having a blog is that you are putting your life in the spotlight. you are making known to everybody what's going on with your life, how you're coping with things, what your plans are, what you're coming to grips with. you tell the readers of your online diary what your thoughts are about things, about what you do everyday and why you do them. but a person can only explain so much. when you have a blog, you put yourself under a microscope and as you and your readers peer thru the lens and examine your totality and individuality... well, you could only hope that they see you in a good light.

i am surprised that the subject of my impending departure was brought up during a one-on-one session with my team lead. news certainly has a way of going around in an office. not even a handful of people know that i plan to leave. i don't even have my mind made up if i will leave. until i come to a decision, everybody can just hold their breaths and their comments. nothing is set in stone.

Ah. The creative juices of my imagination have begun to dry out. It's a sign that summer is about to take place. Either that or I'm just tired. I guess, even the best of writers experience a dry spell, and I would definitely not hoist myself in their league.

Funny that I was thinking how raunchy and torrid I can be with my thoughts. Yet, those things are not actually something I would normally do in real life. Perhaps, the absence of the real experience forces someone to fulfill that yearning through ways that we cannot have big risks.

After seeing LOTR 3, it seems that there are still many things to be done even if we've reached the end of the journey. I've learned plenty of virtues and morals from the movie itself. Some may depict the Christian way of life, other's would be simple and basic natural law.

Obviously, the movie was enshrouded with fantasy and magic, yet amidst all that fancy, the essence of the storyline
surfaces without too much effort. Charmaine will be loaning the book to me so I could look further in the details the movie excluded.

So, it was fun that the movie group had a chance to reunite once more. Not everyone was there, but it was good that
eight of us managed to have a good time. We had dinner at Bubba Gump, and most important of all...we had desserts at Max Brenner's Chocolate Bar. The food was good. The company was better. Simple times like last night were
something I've always wanted. Back in my college days, I would've craved to stay longer and exagerate on what other
things we could do until the sun rises.

Many events are now left behind. I turned down a job offer. Now, I'm given the task of rating the people I work with in my team. I am pretty sure some of them would be hesitant of what I have to say, but they don't have any other choice. I'm here to do my job and I will deliver what is expected of me. I can't wait for this month to be over.

Stress.

The beach is already calling out my name. And that reminds me, that I HAVE TO GET IN SHAPE! I recall seeing M's body
pictures, and I must admit that I am envious of people who manage to stay in great shape inspite of their difficult schedule. Only shows, not everyone is built equal.

Still have money problems. Haven't bought any studd that would be significant for this year. I could use some break
with the financial dealings. God bless us this year. We really need it...A LOT.

The cradle has been rocked.


We had a family meeting last Sunday morning and my folks presented us with a sad truth...everything we knew and everything we were used to would have to change.

It broke my heart when I saw my mom cry. She cried in front of us so you must believe that it's something really serious. I kept my composure but I so wanted to get out of our house; to bawl over and cry.
With the sad news out; I have been shoved into adulthood even before I could say yes.
Before any of these happened; I was doing my duty as the eldest while struggling to enjoy myself on the side.
I still have unfulfilled dreams and aspirations that were forced to take a back seat while I was out helping my family..now I'm afraid I just have to bid a sad premature farewell to all that I want to accomplish and do.

I refuse to be sad and to be disheartened with all that's happening to my family now. I have to be strong for all of us. I will think of a way to get us all through this baptism of fire of sorts..
I refuse to let them see me weak. I won't let them see me cry. I won't let them see me damaged by this incident.

I remember my friends in high school and how they would tell me that I've a perfect family because during retreats...I'm the one whose eyes were always dry. *Wala daw kase akong kaproblem problema pagdating sa pamilya* so I've no reason to cry...

I wish they could see me now..my eyes are no longer dry...

my little has yet to be born ... and she has been welcomed with open arms by my FRIENDS ... and my family ... it brings tears to my eyes to see how supportive everyone is... UBERCLYDE who's always late .. came early .. was the first to arrive. i received a lot of goodies for my baby although the presents really didn't matter it was a bonus, A BIG BONUS!!! hehe ... it was YOUR PRESENCE that counted... and meant most... thank you.

a night of fun and laughter ... it made everything I went thru worth while... there were people smiling and posing... insults being hurled left and right ... stories being shared ... the undying " ako legal wife ... ikaw kabit lang " ... like a splash of cold it was an awakening ... not a renewal of an exhausted but an awakening ...

earlier .. I found out my kid was around 7 pounds already ... and she's not yet out .. imagine how big she will be ... hehe. I guess months of being on vitamins pays off eventually ... am just counting the days till I get to have my angel in my arm... as for the name??? hmmm... something I have not yet decided on .. but eventually will find the perfect name for the little one...

The issue of which hospital has finally been resolved. St. Luke's. after months of deliberation and talks??? more like arguments... I have finally gotten my way. hehe.

Things will finally fall into place ... finally ....

In response to Ian's post, it reminds me of my own situation in 2001. I recently just graduated and moved in with my mom when she started living at a condominium in Boni. We were already having some long-standing personal issues between us, but it didn't reach its peak until that time. I don't really want to go into the details of it, but it ended with us having a huge argument one day, and me storming out of there with two gym bags full of my immediate possessions. It was more of emotional issues than financial actually.

I was confident to move out on extremely short notice because a few months back, my close friend was bugging me to move in with him. His family was renting a small 3 floor dorm at manila (right behind UST). So, as fate would have it, I moved in with him and his cousins (college students), and lived there for a year (and subsequently got married). I can say I learned a lot from that experience. You got to manage your time on your own terms. Ang sarap pala umuwi at any time you please...without having to worry if the parental units will get upset at you. The first few weeks for me were tough though - good thing Pauline was there to support me since day one...that definitely made it easier for me to adjust to my new life...supporting myself. Food was no problem, but the laundry was another story. On some days, I did it myself. Since walang washing machine, mano-mano yung gawa ko. Nakaupo and nagkukuskos. If I'm lazy enough, I just took my stuff to the cleaners next door, although I was hesistant to do so. I had this fear in the back of my mind that they might steal some articles of my clothing.

And you also had to learn how to be patient with your fellow inhabitants. My friend's brother, a huge fan of local rap metal acts like Slapshock and Greyhoundz would sometimes crank up the stereo at the most innapropriate hours (well for me anyways, when I'm on C shift). But still, I was able to get along with everyone there, mababit naman kasi sila sa akin. In fact, I'm good friends with most of them to this day.

Of course, some folks in the family didn't take it well that I suddenly just left...but I felt at the time that I needed my own space. Nagalit pa nga yung iba sa akin. Sabi nga ni Ice, perceived as disobedience yung ganun. Well, somehow I was able to stand my ground, and they eventually accepted my decision. One year nga lang before they got over it. Oh, and I also had a problem with one other boarder in the place. You see, he was of the supernatural sort, if you get my drift. One night, I was sleeping alone on the 3rd floor. I was half asleep when I felt the weight of bed shift, just like when someone lies beside you. To my horror, there was no one there...and I heard someone crying. Right beside me, in my ear, of all things. It turns out that the previous guy living there hanged himself....IN THE VERY SAME DAMNED ROOM I WAS SLEEPING IN.

Ah, the perils of being an adult....

Alas! It is already 2004. 2003 is just another memory to reminisce. One more year to add to our life as mortals here in this living planet.

I'm looking forward to everything good and not so good this year has to bring.

Our family started the year with a luncheon held at our place. Minimal visitors. Aunt Z, Lola Prima and Lolo Soseng. Of course, Trixie was here to celebrate with us. As usual, I crossed the year spending time in the office. I'm used to it. I'm okay.

This was a very special lunch indeed. Joel and Patricia made an announcement that almost made me spray my drink. They made it public that the couple is getting married. Date is on September 21, 2004. Church will be at the Benedictine Abbey Church. It was a good thing I was standing up when they said this. It was good news indeed, but if I was sitting down, I'm pretty sure I would've fallen off my chair.

So, I had to give them a moment of bliss. I see them both relieved of announcing their plans to the family. I see that they are happy about the soon to be endeavour. I wish them all the best.

Everything was okay, but I should have seen it coming. Out of nowhere, I was asked the question of WHERE IS YOUR GIRLFRIEND?!?!?! I was just stumped, and honestly my tongue just folded making me feel that I was about to choke!

The perfect excuse I could only come up with was, "excuse me, I need to rush to the bathroom."

As soon as I got in the lavatory, I was looking staring at the vanity mirror trying to digest everything that had just taken place. The question on when will I tell my family about my sexuality just popped up. Good Lord! All of a sudden, I seem to be caught in a very problematic situation. I really need think about telling my sexual orientation to my family. Opening up to them would be the only solution. I am getting tired of lying to them or even changing the subject whenever the topic is brought up.

I despise this feeling of anxiety. I know I shouldn't let this bother me, but I know somehow this is something I should contemplate and plan well on disclosing. Well, as the cliché saying goes, "No pain, no gain!" I just have to get through this.

Anyway, this is all for now. I need to ready myself for a dinner date with a close friend of mine. Oh, an achievement I've done on New Year's day was not to smoke. I thought I should start the year right and give a shot on quitting smoking permanently.

Ciao!