Your Daily Horoscope for November 29, 2003

Dear IAN,

If you are a typical moon child, IAN, you are likely somewhat reserved. The day ahead is likely to be a little rocky. Do you have some unfulfilled career ambitions? Are you striving to be true to yourself? Your search for self-fulfillment will be successful provided you take some risks. Follow the example set by someone who has succeeded.

***************

Has someone being reading my mind? I know that my thoughts stand out like a beacon in the crowd. Fuck! I have officially transformed myself to be a predictable person. Anyway, fuck it. I am still carrying on with things and work on my ambitions.

Now...to find the perfect example of a successful person...who can that person be???

I was talking to Markoboyd the other day, telling him about my day as a squidball/kwe-kwek vendor. Then he asked me how kwek kwek tastes like, and I found out that he hasn't tasted one bite of "kwek-kwek" yet. So... the next day, I just had to bring him some, armed with Nemo's 7650, we documented, Marko's first ever kwek-kwek adventure...see for yourself:

she has been watching me and listening to my conversations ... does she find me interesting ??? or do I suddenly have a resemblance to VENUS that she has to gag ... hmmm... she's a very quiet little lamb ... maybe am being too paranoid but I hate it when people stare at me for no reason at all ... then again I'm still pregnant and will remain quiet till such a time...

After watching the movie Under The Tuscan Sun, I kinda felt like things will turn out fine if I just keep on thinking positive that I will meet my other half soon.

Which was immediately ruined when I bumped into a high school classmate of mine. We exchange pleasantries and then He initiates asking about my lovelife. I go "WTF is this guy upto?" Then I hear from behind me a deep voice saying, "Hi Honey" and I turned to see a handsome hunk. My former classmate goes, meet my boyfriend. I was just speechless. They kiss publicly and then he goes saying "see you around..."

All of a sudden, my good feelings turned into dark clouds.

After that, I headed off to meet a couple of colleagues to dine. Smoked half a pack of cigs. Life has its nastiest ways of bringing one back to reality.

Uree's mad at me...

Well, we have a kris kringle at the office, and guess what???
the one who picked me, was the guy who would literally take mine, and your breath away!

Well, I am just kidding, Uree didn't mean it, right Uree? right??? SO please give me a new one!!!

When I was in college my Interpersonal Communications Professor taught us how to do freewriting..


Freewriting is all about jotting down whatever enters your mind.. Freewriting does not have organization... Freewriting sometimes does not require chosing the proper words for one's composition.

I like this type of writing because I HATE ORGANIZATION. I hate planning. But I understand the need.. ANyhow


Here goes...


Still at the office.. Thinking of what to do.. It's the freakin' weekend, and everyone is supposed to have FUN!

NO EXCEPTIONS TO THE RULE!

But why the hell am I still at the office? I guess some of the people here are right... I do not have a life! Shit.. I do not have a life? Just when I have the ability now to do what I want to do..

I have great friends who know how to have fun..

I have a nagging mom, a horse-race addict dad, a dorky lawyer brother, and a younger brother who wants to drain the last drop of energy outta me..

I LOVE MY FAMILY..

And I love my dog... My dog banana... Banana has always been there for me. JUst like "YOSI." Just like my "REAL FRIENDS" I hate to think I sometimes forget them when I am in a relationship. I give my 100% when I am in luved. Sometimes forgetting to leave some for myself. Forgetting the people who really care about me.

People who pray at night for my safety and happiness..

I have always believed that I was doing okay. The more I know; however, the more things get more complicated.


There is so much about the world that I hope I have not learned about anymore.. I hope I stayed innocent and refused to open my eyes about the real world.

I remembered what my Philosophy teacher once told us.. The TRUTH can be different from one person to another.. Everything is viewed differently depending on one's life orientation...

SOme people think I am "shallow" and think about myself all the time. Some people think that I am clueless... Sometimes i just do not want to make sense because it is boring.. IT is boringgggggggggggggg.

I also do not want to think I am lonely.. I can be alone but not lonely... I am soooo trying hard to be happy on my own.. It is such a difficult task.. even more difficult than calculus.

Why am I here in SYKES?
What am I doing here?
Sometimes I feel that the atmosphere here is "HOSTILE." You'll never know who to trust.. Hope there is a similar test to "DRUG TEST" when determining whether a person is really your friend or just pretending to be.

I want to do so much but I am not doing anything about it.. Shit, I am the girl who refuses to grow up because the thought scares me...

I hate planning for myself. I just want to accept things as they come.. I know this is not wise. And I know that the "I DONT CARE" attitude won't work..


It seems that I have lost the drive to better myself when I have lost LOUIE.. It totally changed me.. It changed my life... My small world fell apart and my eyes have seen what I really do not want to see.

I guess it's good enough that I understand now what LOVE IS. How it feels to love and be loved. It is not necessary that the other person loves you back the way you want them to.

What happened between Alex and me is also an eye opener. It is so much different from what Louie and I had.. Alex was a lot kinder and wiser than Louie was.. But what Louie and I shared so much more. :(


Sigh..

Kataka-takang naguguluhan ako sa mga pangyayari sa buhay ko. Sa ngayon, masaya ako sa mga narating ko. Masasabi kong hindi lahat ay narating sa tinutuntungan ko. Subalit lahat ng bagay ay may kapalit. Tulad ngayon, nararamdaman ko na napapagod rin ang katawan ko. Naghahanap ng pahinga. Alam ko na kapag tumigil ako ay walang mangyayari. Aminado akong nalulungkot at natatakot ako sa mga balakin ko, subalit mas higit na nakapanghihinayang kung isasantabi ko na lang ang pangarap ko. Sa iba mababaw, pero para sa akin, ang makapag simula ng "bagong buhay" na ayon sa hangarin ko ay napakataas at masarap namnamin.

Nakakahiyang aminin pero totoong naghahanap rin ako sa buhay ko nang kakalinga sa akin. Maraming nagsasabing makakakilala ka rin ng para sa akin. Ang tanong na laging bumabagabag sa akin...KAILAN! KAILAN KO SIYA MAKIKILALA? I admit that I yearn to be loved, to love and be wrapped in someone's strong arms. I've always felt so defenceless and vulnerable with only my sharp remarks covering the actual soft, inner me. For all my loudness and ability to make things light, it always strikes right to the core of my life on what is missing. I AM LONELY and DESPERATE. Whoever you are, who is meant for me...I hope you show yourself because I don't know how long I can wait.

Imagine running in a rainstorm while at the beach. Your clothes are all drenched in the heavy downpour. Naughty thoughts pervertly invade you. You decide to rid your body of all the articles of clothing that covers your skin. The tingling sensation of the pelting rain triggers the lust that overwhelms the mind. SENSORY OVERLOAD. After a few moments, you lie flat on the sand and then you are caught unawares of someone's presence. He shamelessly decides to join your company and assault your mouth with his tongue. Your arms grapple his buttocks and eventually play with his nipples. Pinching them slightly causing him to moan. He makes his move. You straddle him. He makes you take control. You slap his face while riding him as if you were a jockey mounted on a racehorse. You see him flushing red...ready to explode...

Then you wake up. Damn. It was just a dream.

You might need to practice extra patience, IAN. You could be eager to get going with some area of your life. Maybe you have been searching for a new job. You could be ready to embrace a new adventure, but you might need to wait a little longer. Keep yourself busy with positive activities. Get together with good friends. Focus on improving your health with exercise and good nutrition. All of this effort will pay off.

Wow. I was just stuck when I saw my horoscope today. Seems like the stars see of my motives. My mind stands out like a beacon whose thoughts are out there easy for most people to read. Yet, people still don't understand me. Whether they choose not to or they really can't, it is none of my concern. I think I've earned the right to say my piece about things and be apathetic to issues that doesn't affect me. Selfish? Perhaps. But I still think that this would lessen odds of having to keep on explaining myself. It is just not me to do that.

I saw Tita Cecile at the mall on my way home. I was surprised that they decided to leave for the US and spend Christmas there. I don't know whether to envy them or be scared. I admire their courage to brave the rain of such a big challenge. I envy them since they're a couple and would have someone to spend time with to endure the things their new life would throw at them. Will I succeed? We shall see. I will take my time but also make my move.

Hello coven of bloggers, children of the night....

eto, pampagising muna:



anyways, thanks very much for letting me into this hidden strata that is the blog(ger) society. Whew, 30 days na lang til our baby's due...I'm stoked and anxious. Actually, I'm feeling a lot of things, so I don't know what to make of it all....I'm sure Master Nemo can relate as an expectant parent herself. That's all for now...may kyooooooo (QUEUE) sa amin...eheheheh.

Peace out!

You are the mystery woman


Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
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Passed by the music store and saw tonnes of marvelous releases. No money. Move on.

Got 2 text messages with the same thing from 2 friends Jar and Nemo. Both contained the phrase "It can't rain all the time" ... made me think and made me hope that someday things will be better...

Im very thankful because I have friends around me. REAL FRIENDS. They make the burden light... They make me look forward to going to work... They give encouraging words... and then I know that I'll be okay... and that I am not alone.

Thank you so much - you know who you are. I love you guys.

It has been a pretty mental week. I've given in to my smoking habits. Trip to Australia is zippo since I'm nowhere close from being financally sound. Mum and Dad are having their skirmishes. I just yearn to move out of the house, but I know doing that would jeopardise my chances of being able to save enough when I leave for good. I think I am of age and need to take more risks in doing what I want to do with my life. Definitely, I am not getting younger. I know I will not have to shoulder the responsibility of having children, but somehow it is scarier that I end up alone.

Recently, I declined a chance to move up the corporate ladder. This was a test on how I have matured in terms of decision making and understanding the consequences of the choices I make. I would be lying if I said I didn't need the money, however I could proudly say that I declined to apply since I have more plans with my current set-up. I am happy to see that my colleagues are getting to be more responsible than they used to be. It breaks my heart when I hear things about my fellow officers and all that, but it's all cliché; you definitely cannot please everybody. One can do so much to consider everyone's emotions, but since there is a business side to look into, decisions are to be made.

Emotionally, I am feeling quite desolate. I feel like I could throw myself to the first guy who walks through the door that notices me. Am I getting desperate? YES. I could always pay for sex should I choose to, but that would only leave the void temporarily unnoticed. My best friend says I will find my man in due time. I hope she is right. It is getting quite lonely at this point in my life. Having someone you can call your other half...the one who completes you makes a big difference. I recall Billy telling me that single life is the best. I told him that it is, but deep inside I know I was lying. Who am I kidding? I may have the freedom, but it is still better when you're reminded you that there is someone special who is waiting for you. Dwelling on romanticism? NO. Looking for true love? YES!

I never knew a person could really use the word HATE. I guess I was wrong because I used it to describe the way I feel about my dad.
I HATE him. Up to now despite the fact that he got caught several times by me and somefamily friends, he still denies the fact that there is indeed another woman. He threw anything he could hold on to and punched a deep hole into the wood wall in my room...

Mom and I had to go through drastic measures... transfer all the conjugal properties under my name. I forced him to sign a deed of sale for everything...

I feel so sorry it has to be this way. He wanted us to leave for the US and he wanted us to be quick about it so that he can let his mistress live in our house. He cant do that anymore... this house is already mine.

Mom and I can sleep well now. Dad can come and go as he pleases. I dont care about him anymore.

our WORLD....
our INNER CIRCLE...
our intimate group of FRIENDS ...
OUR RANTS and RAVES ...
our lumps of coal...

a wolf in sheeps clothing.
a THORN among the ROSES ...
a bad tomato ...

we will get to the bottom of this ...
I will not stand and see my FRIENDS hurt...

I see you ... I feel you ...
I know you're reading and observing and spreading the word like a good disciple...

The divine observers ... have sensed your presence ...
what shall we call you???

The Damned? Those Who Must be Kept? The Moon Child?

just bcoz you are not a lump of coal ... just bcoz you are not walking wounded... and nice and naive ... you choose to invade our coven .... just bcoz you wish you could have a bubble ... and not be the loneliest person on earth ... you violate our space ... but one things for sure ... you are an eternal child of nocturne ... you know who orange76 is ... you are aware of the phlegmatic phoenix , celtic princess , paopotato and the xbox gamer ... enigma or not ... you will be forever blue ... have random thoughts ... too bad being who you are .. beautiful and bright ... you will not be a lump of coal... nice try though ...

If you are someone who is a stranger who "happened to stumble upon" my and my kindred's blog, and you use the contents of this blog for your entertainment...my dear, you are in luck...I am in a giving mood. Go ahead, read, take pleasure.

But if you are someone I know, just wanting to pry into our personal thoughts and feelings and use it against us, so you can throw your head back and laugh, well, you're still lucky, I'm giving you the freedom to read my blog, even tag me, or us if you want, make your presence known.

Knowing that you are reading this, initially makes me wanna censor my thoughts, but hell, no. Nemo is right, this is our blog, this was OUR hiding place, our comfort zone...Now, knowing you have access to everything we say and think, encourages me to be a little mean. Nemo is right, I observe...but I do not write it down. I only care when my feelings are affected. But this time, I'll try to observe and write. I will try my best to write it down.

Now if you get hurt by what WE think and say...then go ahead, read at your own risk. Injure your pride and what's left of your dignity in your attempt to invade people'e privacy...there is a price to pay for reading other people's thoughts you know.

So, go ahead...amuse yourself...I hope you still find it funny when it's you we are talking about.

alam naming alam n'yo na...

gustuhin man naming hindi n'yo malaman, eh wala na kaming magagawa... may nagsabi na. tulad ng isaang magandang alamat, nagpasalin-salinlabi na. daig pa namin ang salita ng diyos... blasphemous as it may sound pero mas pinakikinggan kami... mas binabasa kami kesa sa bibliya. o, san ka pa???!

alam naming alam n'yo na...

kaya wala nang saysay na magtaguan pa. pero syempre, mas masarap makipaglaro sa apoy kasi alam mong mapapaso ka. o, wag kayo matakot na mag-comment ha. FREE FOR ALL na naman ito eh. so, salu-salo na tayo... tutal naman, we're one big, happy family na da ba???

alam naming alam nyo na...

kaya walang samaan ng loob. kung ayaw mong mabato, umiwas ka na lang. kung ayaw mo ng tsismis, dun ka sa blog ni prima.

so pano ba yan? kelan ang EB natin? sa moksha ba o sa san mig cafe?... o comment on na lang or mag-tag board kayo. wag kayo mag-aalala... pwede gumamit ng codename dito. *wink*

love,

the divine observers

Hi Beautiful Lumps of Coal Bloggers...

What's on my mind right now? Hmm... isip.. isip.... Langya.. wala akong makita inside my freaky little head... Wala naman bago dito sa Macromedia... Same old, same old..

yes... yes... your mistress ice is back once again to make life both bearable and unbearable for you poor mortals...

once again i will be back in my throne, observing. just observing... once again, i will amuse everyone with stories i have heard while i went down to smokest myself...

i never thought it would be possible, i guess this is all due to the rejuvenating rest i have had... but it feels good to be back...