Destiny decides who you meet in life;
but it's only your heart that can
decide who gets to stay in your life
If you are afraid to love a person because of friendship, you have two
choices, either say what you feel and let the love take place or
forever have the love under a friendship full of pretendings.
just always remember, In love, never put yourself in a situation where you are not sure
where you are in a person's life , never assume, never expect, so that if
they choose to drop you, you have enough strength to move on.

Before you ask what kind of a question is that...lemme explain...

After numerous heartbreaks and after several pathetic spells in the past, I can say that I've finally come through..

I no longer cringe everytime the word 'single' is dropped and questions like, 'who's your boylet na?' is being demanded by concerned friends. I know they want me to be happy. But come on, can't I be happy just by hanging out with friends on a Saturday night in an all singles' bar? Can't I be happy just lounging in some tranquil place and meditate? Heck, I can go on and on siting scenarios and reasons why I can be happy ALL BY MY PRETTY I-DON'T-GIVE-A-SHIT SELF!

I no longer have a shitty job. Bills get paid...wants and needs are met. I have lotsa friends that I'm starting to have a hard time arranging my schedule so I can see all of 'em. I get to go out on dates or flirt like crazy and not feel guilty afterwards! THIS IS WHAT I CALL GREATNESS!

I can..*cough* excuse me..(lemme rephrase that)I AM happy by myself...

..but NOOOOOO..all good things never last...

I suddenly heard a knock just outside my already tightly shut heart. At first it was just a faint thud..then another, by the time I've stopped to listen to it, it was already a booming sound..By God! My heart is talking to me!

Stop being so independent that you're not letting anyone into your life...
Have someone take care of you...
Let someone hug you real tight and tell you everything's gonna be alright...

In short, it's telling me to finally wave a white flag and shout "I SURRENDER" at the top of my lungs!

I tried to ignore it...
I tried drowning the sound by listening to music all day long..
I tried sleeping through it..but it stares right at me the moment I wake up..
I tried reading books, keeping busy, writing nonsensical stuff in my journal..but alas..
I have finally succumbed to it..I need someone *sob*

First stage:denial: No...I don't need someone to take care of me..yeah, right!
Second stage: considering possible options: Hmmm..maybe it'll work
Third stage: Fear Factor: Would I be willing to step away from my comfort zone?
Fourth stage: Acceptance: Sige na nga!

So there, ladies and gentlemen: you have just witnessed the battle within myself and how it was won...*sigh*

Now if I can only look for my candy...

a baby may complete your life in many ways .. in a million different ways .. it can lift you up and take you to never, never land ..
then again you also risk the chance of being a regimented mother .. it will always be better to have someone to share this with ...
life can be unfair at times .. just because we are deprived of one factor .. one missing piece to the puzzle .. there are a lot of ways of filling in for the missing piece...
your friends. your family. you divert your energy and focus on other things.. we dance like nobody is watching. we sing like nobody else is around ..
we drink like a fish. smoke like a chimney ... laugh to our hearts delight but at the end of the day ..
we go home ... and feel the emptiness envolope our hearts.. we're left with the same empty cold feeling in our tummies..

what's missing in my life right now...
we all know what it is and is better left unsaid ...


till then ...

Counting Crows - Colorblind

I am colorblind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am taffy stuck and tongue tied
Stutter shook and uptight
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am fine

I am covered in skin
No one gets to come in
Pull me out from inside
I am folded and unfolded and unfolding
I am colorblind
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
I am fine

chin..
** cruel intentions **

-- a definite mission in life
-- self fulfillment
-- 8 hours of sleep...AT NIGHT! =)
-- hmmm...a partner in life..and a baby...? *sigh*

Following is Jar-jar's email...

read on...
--------------------------------------------------------
I wanted to post this at our blog...but I guess we've all been busy...the site seems to have been ignored. =/


=========================================


Stalling

After weighing all my baggage and measuring all the options, after making mistakes and learning from them, after taking stock in who I am and what I have and where I want to go, I realize that all it comes down to is: I don't want to grow up.

But I really have no choice, do I?

While it may seem charming and noble to remain childlike & wonder-filled, there is something faulty in the notion of forever. There is nothing charming about pretending everything is okay. There is nothing noble about shunning responsibility.

But I don't know what to do with that. I don't know how to reconcile my desire for a world where ordinary things are beautiful and everybody can make magic with the reality that some days there is nothing but gloom and sometimes our favorite people let us down. There are moments when I’d like to refuse to act with urgency, because I’d like to take things slowly and in a carefree manner…the way I was when I was a kid.

I know I am on my way to somewhere good, but I have come across some twists and bumps, and I'm scared. I'm scared of tripping and falling and hurting myself. I'm scared of going there alone. Mostly, though, I'm just scared that I might not get anywhere at all.



-=aileen=-

I agree with Nemo, last Saturday's party was indeed a success... which makes me wonder... what happened to the other party? was it filled with files...insects.... rodents, perhaps? I need not bother ask since we all know....

As our dear friend said his curses, goodbyes, and sentiments... we all felt sad and at the same time happy for him... he got his dream- the dream that he had been telling me about since we were seatmates...

To our friend- good luck and good health - Godspeed!

I'll miss you.

i found out from a reliable source that nobody is inclined to speak with the Brat today.oh, isn't that sad? she was probably so miserable she just had to cry her heart out to her god-awful know-it-all steady. anyway, my reliable source informed me that as she and her friend were clearing out of a room, the Monster suddenly just told them how he had always caught moi and the Master slacking off work.

so that's why i've always felt eyes boring in my back! it was him, watching me and Master all the time! sheesh... could he be any more of a jackass???

i'm not saying i don't commit the grievous offense of misusing an idle code from time to time... but hey! aren't we all??? doesn't he slack off work from time to time as well?

i think he does. nobody noticed 'cause not a lot of people pay him any attention anyway.

he and his li'l poohbear deserve each other. not only do they have oft-times weird fashion sense, they both have an attitude problem.

hmp!

It is nice to be a part of this group...salamat sa inyong lahat when you helped me during those downtimes that I needed someone...ano kaya mangyayari sa akin kung wala kayong lahat!!!..

Love is a string of jubilations and tribulations. At some point of your life, love made you cry and broke your heart to pieces. But then after the storm, when the gray clouds have parted to reveal the slightest sunlight, love has taught you, molded you to become stronger, to reminisce and just smile instead of shedding a tear. Both of us has been touched by love and will continue to love, it may not be with one another but with the person who is rightful for our love.

-Jhon-

Saturday's party was a success... we had people throwing up left and right .. hahahhaha.
Rain or shine ... people came ...

The Legendary Faustino's Estate was just perfect for such an event .. it was in the heart of a military environment ..

We had DARTH KEITH commune with nature and be one with the Meralco post.. thinking the post was God .. " OH GOD!!!! ... "
now, now.. isn't he just an epitome of faith and belief in the higher being .. ??? hehehhehe

We have Summer shining down on some dinosaur .. wehehehehe... we have the lip smacking couple .. bwahahhaha ... now who the hell were they??? think ..

We have people wanting to pour beer on each other .. a chinese magnate cornering anyone and offering a bottle..
The Señor was successful everybody went home mumbling .. this stuff is good.... who made it .. the smile and smugness of the Señor precedes him ..

The tower pf Jarjar came crumbling down .. she left the merrymakers and answered to the call of the sandman...

The Royal couple... brought UNO .. a magnificent game .. the best game that was ever created .. it was not a matter of height, weight or IQ .. but a matter of using your fingers well.... moving them the right way .... left and right ... up and down .. pushing and
pulling .. going deeper and deeper... It was a fight till the end .... The spaghetti was good..

Jhonald Duck .. was hell bent.. he was determined to drown his sorrows in beer. rhum. and more rhum... in the end he was just as
soft .. he knew deep inside .. no matter what he did all.. he could think about was being with Sweetie..

Money was spent .. bills were paid... bottles were emptied... cigarettes burned all night .. There was laughter and tears .. everybody was slap happy.. everybody knew today was a day of reckoning .. and being together they vowed to be happy.. and merry ..

then finally ... the speech we all waited for ... more curses ... applause ... applause .. thank you's were said .. tears were shed for the last time ... it was a scene that would have made the books .. it was full of might and struggle for control... emotions were going up and down ... they all bade the PT goodbye and wished him well...

deep inside .. they knew it was more than just a colleague they lost .. more than a smoking buddy .. more than an FTP guru .. they just lost a FRIEND .. He will be with us in spirit .. searching for greener pastures... milking more cows.. in the end it was the warmth of his embrace, it was the sincerity in his smiles, it was his PHYSICAL presence that will be missed ...

The party ended at 6am.. the place was trashed ... it was time to say goodbye ....

EdPT ... good luck .. God Bless .... We'll see you soon ... till then .. Macromedia Rules..

What saddens me the most is that people don't see it. They don't see how incredibly amazing they are. True, I'm usually sickeningly optimistic and idealistic. I am well aware of that. I can still see something good about the nastiest person on this planet. I can manage to boost the little confidence in me. But I guess not everyone can, and that’s something that depresses me.

He uttered that nothing was wrong, but his face expressed the total opposite. I could see his dissatisfied eyes whenever I look at him.

I could hear unspoken words of pain, but she’ll never admit that. And she’ll never believe that she can surpass this turmoil.

I have witnessed some of my dearest female friends starve themselves to stick-like skinniness. I have felt my own desire to change everything about myself, to be someone else -- anyone else.

It's not the kind of thing you can give. I've tried. All you can do is tell them how beautiful they are, and be there for them even if they screw up, especially when they screw up…and cherish them as if they were the most precious beings on earth. Then you hope that it sinks in. You pray that it does.

I am getting better.

I accept compliments. I smile at strangers. I stand up straight. Sometimes I even look in the mirror and see a devastatingly beautiful girl staring right back at me. I am getting to know myself, and I am getting to like me very much.

I wish they could, too.


-=aileen=-

Yeah, we can say that we should never let her get to us, but she has been so irritating, and she has been getting on everyone's nerves. But I ask, why isn't somebody, doing something about her???

I'm placing my bet on the *stocky* one...has more meat...meaning she can outlast the battle. I hope the skinny one goes...mwahahaha

To me she's just a nuisance...an itch I can't wait to scratch..

the battle is on between an aspiring supermodel (hahahhahah) and a well-known, uhmm.. brat, in our office today. just an fyi. i don't want anyone to get hurt when they start their catfight. or maybe, bullfight is a more appropriate term for it. hahahhhaah....

it all started when the said aspiring supermodel refused to grant the brat's request. the brat, being the brat that she is, copied and pasted their entire IM conversation detailing the said model's refusal to her request. the model of course found out. and now all hell is about to break loose. hehehehehhehe...

i am placing my bet on the Supermodel of course. she has the advantage of a... uhmmm...well-built, solid body. i pity the li'l brat.

but then again, no. what is about to happen to her is what i would call come-uppance.*wink*

congratulations to super-CSR Hazel, first to log to our team Blog... hope you guys will join as well!

i've sent the mail invites to the guest bloggers...

i do hope they click on yes instead of no.
and i hope that if they decide not to join, maybe they could just comment instead. *wink*

All of you are invited to post your issues, views, and comments..

In short, your own rants and raves...but please make sure they're not just one-liners!!!! Hehehe!

Enjoy!